Here are our pics for "Sleeping Baby Tuesday." (That's a thing, right?)
— withTommy Barker.
Tuesday, June 30, 2015
Sunday, June 28, 2015
Fast and Furious: The Elliot Franklin Story
Both my children have the same due date, which also just happens to be my parents' anniversary: June 11th. (And no, before you ask, there's nothing exciting going on in our sex life around Late August--we tried to conceive year-round. I think there just must be something about back-to-school sales that heightens my fertility.) With our first, I was completely taken by surprise when my 38-week routine checkup revealed high blood pressure and triggered the induction of labor 10 days early on June 1st. When that date rolled around three years later during my second full-term pregnancy, I started to get excited, assuming I would be meeting my son within a few short days. I stopped working and kept my calendar relatively free. I made jokes with everyone I did make plans with along the lines of "if I haven't had the baby yet, haha." Once again, I was completely taken by surprise (although a much slower, more drawn-out, anti-climactic type of surprise) when my due date came and went. There was a brief flutter of excitement when a membrane sweep provoked minor cramping, but petered out throughout the day and left me extremely disappointed.
By my due date, I had been home from work for two weeks, long enough to have completed every possible task related to preparing our home for a new baby, treated myself to numerous mani-pedis, watched 80% of the shows I was saving for maternity leave and read 4 complete novels. I was more than restless; I was growing despondent. All the well-meaning check-ins from family, friends and strangers ("How are you feeling?", "Any signs yet?", "I bet you're ready to have this baby!") only served to exacerbate my feeling that this was NEVER going to happen, that I would be pregnant FOREVER. An email from my cousin Chrissy that arrived just shy of 1 week overdue gave me a glimmer of hope and helped me transform my perspective. From that point on, I was in a zen-like state of peace. My baby would come when he was ready, and it was worth the wait for the chance to avoid another induced labor. Contributing to this positive feeling were the results of a non-stress test and ultrasound at 41 weeks, which indicated that Nugget had plenty of fluid and was perfectly content to stay right where he was. Armed with this knowledge, and on advice from my doula, I re-booked my social calendar--graduation for one of my students on Friday morning, date with my husband on Saturday night--and prepared to wait him out.
On Friday, June 19th, I woke up to stronger cramping than I had had so far. I tried to put the discomfort (and the faint glimmer of excitement) out of my mind and attended the graduation ceremony as planned. Afterward, I treated myself to a pasta lunch at La Scala's before heading to yet another appointment with the midwife. Although I tried not to get my hopes up too high, I was overjoyed to hear her assessment that I was 3 cm dilated, 80% effaced, and the baby was at -2. It had taken serious medical intervention and 6 hours in the hospital to get me to the same point during labor with my daughter. The midwife swept my membranes yet again and I headed home with high spirits. When I reported on our progress, the doula jokingly asked me to stand on my head until at least 7pm to make sure she could avoid rush-hour traffic on her commute into the city.
Throughout the rest of the day, the cramping grew stronger and more frequent until I felt I could justifiably say I was having actual contractions. By 9pm they were getting serious, taking my breath away, and I contacted our doula for guidance. She advised me to continue laboring at home, to try taking a bath, and to contact her again when they were 1 min long, 4-6 min apart or "super strong". Just over an hour later we spoke on the phone and decided that, although not regular or quite long enough, the contractions were strong enough to have dilated me at least a centimeter or two more and warranted heading to the hospital. I contacted our neighbor, who had graciously agreed to stay with Hope while we went to welcome our new little one.
In the significant build up to this event, the car ride to the hospital had become the most dreaded part of the process, especially since we avoided it the first around. We each had our own concerns: for Tommy it was the stress of driving a woman in labor through the city (+ the fear that we might not make it in time and he'd be called on to provide SERIOUS labor support) and for me it was the terror of experiencing serious contractions while being strapped in to a moving vehicle. To our relief, my contractions were far enough apart (and the traffic was light enough) that I was able to breathe through one contraction before getting in to the car, one on exiting, and only one while wearing a seatbelt.
We checked in to the PETU and quickly learned that I could not be admitted because I hadn't progressed beyond 3 cm of dilation. After consultation with our doula, we decided to head back home to try to get some rest (as opposed to staying at/near the hospital walking the halls in the hopes of reaching the minimum requirement of 5 cm). Although everyone was very supportive, I felt 1) completely ridiculous for having jumped the gun, 2) devastated at the prospect of laboring more on my own, and 3) terrified of two more car rides while in labor. We relieved our babysitter around 1am, Tommy headed to get some sleep, and I took an adult-sized dose of children's Benadryl before climbing into the tub.
Over the next three hours, I moved between the bathroom and bed, sitting, standing, rocking and lying down, trying to find a "comfortable" position and breathing through contractions. At first, I fought them, scrunching up tightly and muttering profanity. Quickly, however, I remembered the coaching from my doula during Hope's birth, and I consciously tried to relax my shoulders and breathe through them. I found that watching the timer on the Iphone app I had been using to track the contractions actually made it much harder for me to truly relax, so I stopped using it and started just counting their length. I was so focused on waiting for them to get closer to one minute long (they remained, as they had started, in the 30-45 sec range) that I unwittingly went right past the 4-minute apart mark. When I finally started tracking them again, they were 2.5 minutes apart, and I knew it was time.
I called our doula, and after I breathed through a contraction on the phone with her, she was convinced that we were getting close. At first she suggested we wait an hour, but when I balked at that she offered five contractions instead. At 4:20, after two gut-wrenching contractions, I called our neighbor to come back, and by the time we were at the car I had met her requirement of five contractions. Tommy texted that we were on our way, and we began the most difficult and anxiety-producing car ride of our lives. I lost count of how many contractions we went through, but Tommy helped to keep me calm and breathing through each one while also safely navigating the nearly empty city streets.
This time when we pulled up to 8th and Spruce, I was not willing to wait for Tommy by the front door as I had previously--I headed right in. One look at my face and the security guard jumped to her feet and offered me a wheelchair. When I said it was better to keep moving, she rushed to my side and accompanied me down the hall, up in the elevator and to the door of the PETU. This time they skipped the written forms and were able to intake me with two utterances: "Stone" and "7" ("How high is the pain on a scale of 1 to 10?").
Despite what TV and the movies lead you to believe, they do not immediately take you to a room to have your baby when you come in to the hospital in obvious distress. Instead, they 1) hook you up to two monitors (one for the baby's heartrate/your contractions and another for your blood pressure), 2) commence taking vials of your blood for testing, and 3) insert a line so you can receive medication or fluids as necessary. Through these trials and tribulations, Tommy was right by my side, letting me squeeze the living daylights out of his hand and helping me to breathe. They mentioned that the birthing suite was available (open only to births without interventions, and complete with a tub), and I chanted that as my mantra through a few contractions: "Birthing suite, birthing suite, birthing suite."
Nugget's heart rate showed some signs of decelerating, so they kept extending the minimum 20 minutes that I needed to be on the monitor. I think I said something to the nurse like, "You have to be kidding me. This is ridiculous, can't you just take me in?" but I might have said something more like, "You crazy sadistic bitch--get this kid out of me!"
After what seemed like an eternity (but must have been less than half an hour), the midwife came to check our progress. When she called us at 7 centimeters, I was beyond relieved. Thankfully, this was the same midwife who had caught Hope, so she knew things would move quickly from this point. She directed the nurses to move me to the delivery room, and I closed my eyes and held on for dear life as they wheeled me down the hallway.
We DID get the birthing suite, but I was to have no chance to enjoy the amenities. As soon as I crawled into the delivery bed and collapsed on my right side, the doula (she had arrived while I was laboring in the PETU, but I couldn't tell you when) asked if I was feeling the urge to push. All I could do was nod. (In truth, I had been feeling it for a few contractions but was afraid to say the words out loud because with my previous labor I had been told NOT to push until they could verify that I was sufficiently dilated for fear of harming the baby. Those few minutes of fighting against one of Mother Nature's strongest instincts were torturous.) Our doula told the nurses, "She's feeling pushy" and with the next contraction, I yelled out, "Pushy pushy pushy!" Mercifully, this time the midwife said, "Go for it." And go for it I did.
Between contractions, I had sensed the frantic motion of the nurses preparing the room. I heard plastic bags being ripped open and metal instruments clanging onto trays. All of that faded away as let out a wild scream and gave in to my body's overwhelming desire to BEAR DOWN. The doula grabbed my face between her hands and reminded me not to scream up high but to grunt down low, as low as I could, to concentrate my energies during the next contraction. I did as I was told, and heard someone call out "he's crowning!" I looked back to my doula, distantly aware of how wild-eyed and crazy the pain had made me, and she said, "Look down, Joanna." After two pushes, his head was clearly visible between my legs. I breathed through the pause in the contractions, then a small push got his head free. His shoulders passed like an afterthought, and they placed him on my chest before I could even process what had just happened. I laughed with relief, and I think I kept repeating something inane along the lines of, "We have a son. We have a baby boy. I can't believe he's really here."
All the post-birth events are shrouded in the beautiful haze of new motherhood, but I'm sure the following things happened, in some order:
1. I cut the cord
2. They 'massaged' my belly to get the placenta out
3. They put some pitocin through my IV (I think to help get the last bits out?)
4. I got a stitch
5. Elliot cried (though at 50% volume compared to his older sister)
6. Elliot latched and tried to nurse
7. Elliot pooped and got meconium all over his blanket and my bare belly
8. I ate part of a chicken caesar wrap that a nurse brought in
9. They weighed Elliot at 7 lbs 3 oz (7 ounces smaller than his older sister)
10. Someone informed us that from my initial check with the midwife at 7 cm to Elliot's birth at 5:36am took exactly 27 minutes
Despite such a quick labor and delivery, it's hard for me to think of Elliot's birth without including the excruciatingly long time we spent waiting for him. I am still shocked that, although they shared a due date, my children's birthdays ended up being almost 3 weeks apart. As difficult as it was in the moment, I now look back on those days of rest and relaxation gratefully. I appreciate the time they gave me to get prepared--practically, mentally, emotionally. I'm glad I was able to work through my impatience and disappointment and reach a state of peace before he arrived. Especially because it turns out that letting go of the need to control everything is a crucial part of surviving life with two young children. It's a daily struggle for me to find an appropriate balance between intention (making all those things I want to happen happen) and letting go (accepting that so many of those things just won't happen, or happen the way I want them to), but it's a worthwhile one. Because it's too easy to let to-do lists and anxieties and UNIMPORTANT stuff keep you from deeply experiencing all the juicy fullness of life that's going on RIGHT NOW, all around you.
Like the smell of the top of this baby's head. Time to stop blogging and start sniffing.
Nugget's heart rate showed some signs of decelerating, so they kept extending the minimum 20 minutes that I needed to be on the monitor. I think I said something to the nurse like, "You have to be kidding me. This is ridiculous, can't you just take me in?" but I might have said something more like, "You crazy sadistic bitch--get this kid out of me!"
After what seemed like an eternity (but must have been less than half an hour), the midwife came to check our progress. When she called us at 7 centimeters, I was beyond relieved. Thankfully, this was the same midwife who had caught Hope, so she knew things would move quickly from this point. She directed the nurses to move me to the delivery room, and I closed my eyes and held on for dear life as they wheeled me down the hallway.
We DID get the birthing suite, but I was to have no chance to enjoy the amenities. As soon as I crawled into the delivery bed and collapsed on my right side, the doula (she had arrived while I was laboring in the PETU, but I couldn't tell you when) asked if I was feeling the urge to push. All I could do was nod. (In truth, I had been feeling it for a few contractions but was afraid to say the words out loud because with my previous labor I had been told NOT to push until they could verify that I was sufficiently dilated for fear of harming the baby. Those few minutes of fighting against one of Mother Nature's strongest instincts were torturous.) Our doula told the nurses, "She's feeling pushy" and with the next contraction, I yelled out, "Pushy pushy pushy!" Mercifully, this time the midwife said, "Go for it." And go for it I did.
Between contractions, I had sensed the frantic motion of the nurses preparing the room. I heard plastic bags being ripped open and metal instruments clanging onto trays. All of that faded away as let out a wild scream and gave in to my body's overwhelming desire to BEAR DOWN. The doula grabbed my face between her hands and reminded me not to scream up high but to grunt down low, as low as I could, to concentrate my energies during the next contraction. I did as I was told, and heard someone call out "he's crowning!" I looked back to my doula, distantly aware of how wild-eyed and crazy the pain had made me, and she said, "Look down, Joanna." After two pushes, his head was clearly visible between my legs. I breathed through the pause in the contractions, then a small push got his head free. His shoulders passed like an afterthought, and they placed him on my chest before I could even process what had just happened. I laughed with relief, and I think I kept repeating something inane along the lines of, "We have a son. We have a baby boy. I can't believe he's really here."
All the post-birth events are shrouded in the beautiful haze of new motherhood, but I'm sure the following things happened, in some order:
1. I cut the cord
2. They 'massaged' my belly to get the placenta out
3. They put some pitocin through my IV (I think to help get the last bits out?)
4. I got a stitch
5. Elliot cried (though at 50% volume compared to his older sister)
6. Elliot latched and tried to nurse
7. Elliot pooped and got meconium all over his blanket and my bare belly
8. I ate part of a chicken caesar wrap that a nurse brought in
9. They weighed Elliot at 7 lbs 3 oz (7 ounces smaller than his older sister)
10. Someone informed us that from my initial check with the midwife at 7 cm to Elliot's birth at 5:36am took exactly 27 minutes
Despite such a quick labor and delivery, it's hard for me to think of Elliot's birth without including the excruciatingly long time we spent waiting for him. I am still shocked that, although they shared a due date, my children's birthdays ended up being almost 3 weeks apart. As difficult as it was in the moment, I now look back on those days of rest and relaxation gratefully. I appreciate the time they gave me to get prepared--practically, mentally, emotionally. I'm glad I was able to work through my impatience and disappointment and reach a state of peace before he arrived. Especially because it turns out that letting go of the need to control everything is a crucial part of surviving life with two young children. It's a daily struggle for me to find an appropriate balance between intention (making all those things I want to happen happen) and letting go (accepting that so many of those things just won't happen, or happen the way I want them to), but it's a worthwhile one. Because it's too easy to let to-do lists and anxieties and UNIMPORTANT stuff keep you from deeply experiencing all the juicy fullness of life that's going on RIGHT NOW, all around you.
Like the smell of the top of this baby's head. Time to stop blogging and start sniffing.
Saturday, June 27, 2015
One Week Old
Guess who is one week old today AND back to his birth weight? #thisguy#timeflies #eatsleeppoop
Wednesday, June 24, 2015
Elliot is Home
We're home and settled thanks in large part to the tireless efforts of Patti Wright Stone and Jack Stone. Elliot can't wait to meet everyone, so contact me and get on our schedule!
Tuesday, June 23, 2015
There's a dark spot on my shirt and it's time to play every mom's favorite game: Name That Fluid! Is it water from my water bottle? No! Is it leaking breast milk? Guess again! Oh, I know, I know, it must be baby boy urine! That's right! Tell her what she's won! #anewoutfit #morelaundry #achancetousethatnewdiapercream
from Facebook
via IFTTT
via IFTTT
Monday, June 22, 2015
Saturday, June 20, 2015
Elliot FB Birth Announcement
The details: Elliot Franklin Stone arrived just in time to make my 6am Facebook deadline this morning, weighing in at 7 lb 3 oz and measuring 20 3/4" long. We're both healthy and doing fine. A special shout out to Tricia Purcell and Ashley Elizabeth who stayed with Hope during BOTH of our trips to the hospital. #blogpostforthcoming #babyformerlyknownasnugget#andnowwesleep
Tuesday, June 2, 2015
#MostAnticipatedBabyEver
June 2
Hey Nugget, your sister's birthday is done, you've officially got the green light! #andnowwewait
June 3
Hey Nugget, some of my favorite people have birthdays today, wouldn't you like to share a birthday with Barb Beavan Stone or Robert Heasley?#anydaynow #thesoonerthebetter #nuggetunited
June 4
Hey, Nugget, it's a beautiful day to be born. Whaddya think? #39weeks#cantwaittomeetyou #nuggetunited
June 5
Hey, Nugget, the birds are chirping, the sun is shining. What a beautiful day to be born! Doncha think? #maybetoday #itsgottabecrampedinthere#nuggetunited
June 6
No imploring from me today, Nugget. It would be much easier for us logistically of you waited till Monday. #notthatidcomplain #readywhenever
June 8
Hey, Nugget, my calendar is clear for you this whole week, any day now, little buddy. #notlateyet #stillprettydonebeingpregnant
June 9
Hey Nugget, you're the only one who can make my birthday wish come true--a 3-day, all expenses-paid trip to Pennsylvania Hospital. Waddya say?#ijustwannacountyourtoes #comesayhi
June 10
Hey Nugget, it's not too late to still be "early." #duetomorrow #theworldawaits
June 11
Hey Nugget, did you know that only about 4% of babies are born on their exact due date? How cool would it be if you were one of them? Just sayin'.#40weeks #stickaforkinmeimdone
June 12
I'm starting to think that maybe my unborn child isn't reading my Facebook statuses... #40weeksplus1day #officiallylate#thankgoodnessfororangeisthenewblack
June 12 Take Two
2 weeks at home waiting and things are getting desperate. I just did some ironing. Only you can save me, Nugget.
June 13
The 13th? Nobody would want such an unlucky date for their birthday. Better stay put, Nugget. #morereversepsychology #cantbepregnantforever
June 14
Look, Nugget, I know it's really scary to think about leaving the only place you've ever known, but it's the only way you'll get to meet us--your family. Your big sister has been waiting so patiently (your parents a bit less so). We've done everything we could to make your new home comfy and welcoming for you--and now it's time to take the plunge and join us.#cantwaittoholdyou #pleasecomesoon
June 15
Hey Nugget, at this rate, you won't even be a Gemini like your sister and I. What's up with that? #dontmakemelearnanothersign #todayplease
June 16
Hey Nugget, thanks for letting me sleep in past 6am. Whaddya say we take advantage of how well-rested I am and get you born today? #40plus4#thisisgettingridiculous
June 16 Take Two
For those who have been following along in our baby-awaiting adventure, I've just scheduled our 1-week overdue non-stress test for Thursday afternoon. Depending on how things look at that point, we may decide to go the induction route (which I've been working hard to avoid after our previous experience) or continue waiting. Thanks to all of those who have reached out to check in on us or to offer encouragement/distraction. I am taking comfort today in the sure knowledge that, despite an overwhelming feeling to the contrary, I WON'T be pregnant forever.
June 17
Seriously, Mr. Nuggers, if this goes on much longer you just might come out with a full beard like your daddy! #newbornshavingkit #40plus6
June 18
Nope. #41weeks #outofcleverhashtags
June 18 Take Two
The Saga Continues. Testing indicates that Nugget is happy and healthy and seems to have no immediate plans to vacate the premises. #andsowewait#41weeksandcounting #datenightherewecome
June 19
Hey Nugget, I'm headed to a graduation ceremony today--what a perfect event to disrupt by making a splash (hint, hint). #crashtheclassof2015#pompandcontractions #anotherwatermainbreakinphilly
June 20
Hey Nugget, your sister's birthday is done, you've officially got the green light! #andnowwewait
June 3
Hey Nugget, some of my favorite people have birthdays today, wouldn't you like to share a birthday with Barb Beavan Stone or Robert Heasley?#anydaynow #thesoonerthebetter #nuggetunited
June 4
Hey, Nugget, it's a beautiful day to be born. Whaddya think? #39weeks#cantwaittomeetyou #nuggetunited
June 5
Hey, Nugget, the birds are chirping, the sun is shining. What a beautiful day to be born! Doncha think? #maybetoday #itsgottabecrampedinthere#nuggetunited
June 6
No imploring from me today, Nugget. It would be much easier for us logistically of you waited till Monday. #notthatidcomplain #readywhenever
June 8
Hey, Nugget, my calendar is clear for you this whole week, any day now, little buddy. #notlateyet #stillprettydonebeingpregnant
June 9
Hey Nugget, you're the only one who can make my birthday wish come true--a 3-day, all expenses-paid trip to Pennsylvania Hospital. Waddya say?#ijustwannacountyourtoes #comesayhi
June 10
Hey Nugget, it's not too late to still be "early." #duetomorrow #theworldawaits
June 11
Hey Nugget, did you know that only about 4% of babies are born on their exact due date? How cool would it be if you were one of them? Just sayin'.#40weeks #stickaforkinmeimdone
June 12
I'm starting to think that maybe my unborn child isn't reading my Facebook statuses... #40weeksplus1day #officiallylate#thankgoodnessfororangeisthenewblack
June 12 Take Two
2 weeks at home waiting and things are getting desperate. I just did some ironing. Only you can save me, Nugget.
June 13
The 13th? Nobody would want such an unlucky date for their birthday. Better stay put, Nugget. #morereversepsychology #cantbepregnantforever
June 14
Look, Nugget, I know it's really scary to think about leaving the only place you've ever known, but it's the only way you'll get to meet us--your family. Your big sister has been waiting so patiently (your parents a bit less so). We've done everything we could to make your new home comfy and welcoming for you--and now it's time to take the plunge and join us.#cantwaittoholdyou #pleasecomesoon
June 15
Hey Nugget, at this rate, you won't even be a Gemini like your sister and I. What's up with that? #dontmakemelearnanothersign #todayplease
June 16
Hey Nugget, thanks for letting me sleep in past 6am. Whaddya say we take advantage of how well-rested I am and get you born today? #40plus4#thisisgettingridiculous
June 16 Take Two
For those who have been following along in our baby-awaiting adventure, I've just scheduled our 1-week overdue non-stress test for Thursday afternoon. Depending on how things look at that point, we may decide to go the induction route (which I've been working hard to avoid after our previous experience) or continue waiting. Thanks to all of those who have reached out to check in on us or to offer encouragement/distraction. I am taking comfort today in the sure knowledge that, despite an overwhelming feeling to the contrary, I WON'T be pregnant forever.
June 17
Seriously, Mr. Nuggers, if this goes on much longer you just might come out with a full beard like your daddy! #newbornshavingkit #40plus6
June 18
Nope. #41weeks #outofcleverhashtags
June 18 Take Two
The Saga Continues. Testing indicates that Nugget is happy and healthy and seems to have no immediate plans to vacate the premises. #andsowewait#41weeksandcounting #datenightherewecome
June 19
Hey Nugget, I'm headed to a graduation ceremony today--what a perfect event to disrupt by making a splash (hint, hint). #crashtheclassof2015#pompandcontractions #anotherwatermainbreakinphilly
June 20
nugget is here! #betterlatethannever #27minutes
June 20: Take Two
The details: Elliot Franklin Stone arrived just in time to make my 6am Facebook deadline this morning, weighing in at 7 lb 3 oz and measuring 20 3/4" long. We're both healthy and doing fine. A special shout out to Tricia Purcell and Ashley Elizabeth who stayed with Hope during BOTH of our trips to the hospital. #blogpostforthcoming #babyformerlyknownasnugget#andnowwesleep
June 20: Take Two
The details: Elliot Franklin Stone arrived just in time to make my 6am Facebook deadline this morning, weighing in at 7 lb 3 oz and measuring 20 3/4" long. We're both healthy and doing fine. A special shout out to Tricia Purcell and Ashley Elizabeth who stayed with Hope during BOTH of our trips to the hospital. #blogpostforthcoming #babyformerlyknownasnugget#andnowwesleep
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