The Hospital
Our stay at the hospital lasted from Saturday morning around 4:45am to Monday afternoon. This was about 36 hours less than our stay with Hope, when we went through a non-stress test + induction and did all laboring in the hospital. This time, Tommy stayed at home to take care of Hope, and we didn't need to pay extra for the Pavilion since Pennsylvania Hospital recently converted all their postpartum recovery rooms to singles. The food was definitely a few steps down from what we enjoyed last time, but the nursing care was just as good. Being a second-time mom, they gave me much more time to myself and interrupted as infrequently as possible, which was much appreciated. The nursing staff seemed to get a kick out of my laid back attitude, and remarked often about how self-sufficient and easy to care for we were. Pappy Jack and Grammy came along with Tommy and Hope to meet Elliot on Saturday, and Tommy came to visit on Sunday to give me my longest stretch of sleep to that point.
Healthy Baby
Elliot has been a remarkably healthy baby. We had him checked for tongue-tie because of our family history, but the pediatrician and the lactation consultation both declared him normal. His bilirubin and glucose levels were fine (the latter was only checked because he was post-date), and he lost very little weight in the hospital (7 lb 3 oz at birth and 6 lb 12 oz at discharge). After an inaccurate weight reading at our first pediatrician appointment on Wednesday, he was back up to his birth weight on Friday (one week after birth). During his exam, the doctor was amazed at how strong he is. When she turned him on his stomach to check his back, he pushed up with his head and hands and she exclaimed, "This little guy's doing planks at one week old!" Of course, due to his quick travel down the birth canal, he has a perfectly round head, just like his sister.
Progress with Breastfeeding
Elliot latched immediately after birth with some help from our doula (it took two of us to compress the breast, hold his hands out of the way, and point his head in the right direction). He nursed often throughout our time at the hospital and was very demanding in our first few days at home. I was relieved when the pediatrician recommended I space out his feedings a bit, and gave us the go-ahead to use a pacifier. At this point, he's settled in to a 3-hour feeding cycle, both day and night, which is very manageable for me. As with Hope, I experienced extreme nipple soreness for the first two weeks, but that's reduced dramatically as I've both toughened up and applied APNO + saltwater and coconut oil treatments. Although still difficult, the adjustment to breastfeeding has been much easier the second time around, and I'm ecstatic that we've been able to make it work without the added complications of a nipple shield. Additionally, I have to mention that our doula has been a life-saver, responding to all of my texted questions and just generally helping me keep my sense of perspective (ie. the early days are hard, but they don't last forever).
Adjustments: Big Sister Hope
As with Hope's birth, we were extremely fortunate to have my mom stay with us for our first few days at home. Aside from all of the normal household chores (laundry, cooking, the seemingly never-ending task of loading and unloading the dishwasher, etc), she also helped provide extra attention to Hope to ease the transition from only child to big sister. During her visit at the hospital, Hope was silent, as she often is during new experiences. She investigated Elliot for a few minutes, interacted with him as she was directed to ("Do you want to touch his head?" "Do you want to hold his hand?"), and then was ready to go on to something more interesting. Over the course of the next few weeks, her attitude toward him progressed from indifference to mild curiosity, with short bouts of intense interest. She'll seem to notice him all of a sudden, run to his side, and proclaim that he loves her, that he's looking at her, that the minute hand movement he just made is a wave to her. Out of the blue, she'll proclaim that she's giving him a specific toy to play with, or that when he gets bigger she's going to teach him how to walk/talk/eat/swim, or that when she was a little baby she was just like him. The rest of the time, she goes on as if he doesn't exist, although her behavior clearly indicates that his presence is causing her some distress.
She's been acting out much more frequently, is responding poorly to other transitions (like coming and going from school) and just generally testing limits in ways she did not previously. Additionally, she spends some time each day feeling out the boundaries of how she is allowed to act around him: "How loud can I be near his face?", "How close to him can I bounce on the bed?", "How hard can I pat him?", "Can I cover him up with this diaper?", "What about if I put it over his face?" She summed up the major change in her life the other day: "Sometimes I want to play with you, but you're taking care of Elliot." All of this is appropriate and normal, and we're doing our best to help her adjust. In particular, we make sure she has some one-on-one time with me every day, even if it's just reading her bedtime story. We're also trying to find ways that she can help out, either with Elliot or just around the house to be a 'big girl.' In the end, it's just going to take time for us all to adjust to our new normal.
Our New Normal
Tommy and I are basically playing man-to-man defense with the kids, with Tommy covering Hope and me on Elliot. Obviously there's some overlap in our roles, and we help each other out a lot, but it's been nice to be able to keep my focus narrow--just keep this one human being alive. Sure, I'm waking up 2-3 times a night for feedings, but I'm also able to catch up with naps during the day since Hope is still going to school. Tommy, on the other hand, gets to sleep through the night, but definitely needs to be well-rested to not only work full-time but also successfully wrangle our budding "three-nager." He gets her dressed every morning, takes her to school, then works a full day (either from home, at the office or from his satellite office at RyBrew), after which he picks her up from school and handles the majority of the bedtime routine. I don't think I could overstate how difficult those tasks have become now that virtually every interaction with her seems to be a tantrum-waiting-to-happen.
Since week two, we've been able to carve out an hour of each day to spend together after Hope goes to bed. Usually we only have the energy to ask each other a few questions about our days and then settle in to watch The Good Wife, but something is better than nothing. We're looking forward to our family vacation in August when we should be able to manage our first post-Elliot date night with the help of my amazing parents.
We've had a pretty steady stream of visitors since we came home from the hospital, including Tommy's folks, colleagues, neighbors and friends. Between their generous gifts, the freezer stash I built up during my third trimester, and routine deliveries through GrubHub and Caviar, we've been eating well despite the low expectations I set for myself these first few weeks (my "To Do" list regularly featured items like "clip own fingernails" and "take a walk"). Thankfully, a few days ago, Elliot decided that it was ok to nap without being held, and since then I've been able to aim just a bit higher. On Monday I made zucchini bread and yesterday we ventured out to Whole Foods to tide us over till weekend grocery delivery. I've got a plan for dinner every night this week, and right now there's a Balsamic Roast Beef in the crock pot. I'm hoping this streak keeps up, so that I can start to be even more ambitious with my free time--this house isn't going to pack itself. Oh yeah, did I mention we're hoping to buy a house and move to the suburbs before I return to work in December? Yeah.
Through all of the adjustments and changes of the past few weeks, I've been consciously fighting the urge to long for the future--"I can't wait to see what color his eyes turn out to be", "When will Hope be fully potty trained?", "It'll be so nice when I can nurse one-handed", etc. Knowing that Elliot is our last baby, I've been doing my best to be fully present for as many moments as possible. It's so hard, but nothing is more important. To make the choice to put down my cell phone, to turn off the TV, to stop writing/planning my To Do List, and just breathe in the sweetness of my children.
He will never need me quite as much as he does right now. His head won't smell this way forever. He will never be this small again. Soon enough, he'll unfold his legs and start rolling, crawling, walking. We'll be helping him blow out his first birthday candle before I can blink an eye.
She won't always need me to make sure her shoes are on the right feet. Her fourth birthday will be here before I know it, and I don't want to wonder where the year went. I want to remember as much of it as possible because I was THERE.
